Hello Bish fans
Let’s play Gender Fortunes!
(If anyone knows how to recreate this as an actual quiz that I can embed please let me know bishinformation@gmail.com)
So we asked 100 people (I really did by the way)
“Name a word or phrase to describe a man who has had a lot of sexual partners.”
Ok and now for the next round.
Let’s play Gender Fortunes!
We asked 100 people
“Name a word or phrase used to describe a woman who has had lots of sexual partners.”
Not very nice is it? There are lots of negative things said about sex (look at your favourite swear words, what are they about?) even though most people would think that sex is a good thing.
But the point of this particular game is that men are given status and ratings for having lots of sex, but women are dissed and discarded. Why is that?
I’m allowing comments on this so please do share, but be nice to each other or I will get harsh on your asses.
Let’s blurt.
Check out @girlonthenet ‘s blog post about the use of the word ‘slut’: she got very annoyed when someone searched for her blog using the term “sorry sluts, your vagina doesn’t have a ‘clear history’ button” It’s a really great post, but it’s sweary and for an older audience. The other stuff on her site really isn’t for you younger ones.
(PS I originally put some stuff in this post about Belle de Jour coming out, which was happening at the time. This is why there are comments about this below. I took the Belle stuff out since as it wasn’t relevant to this particular post. Can’t remember what I said but I know it would have been positive)
Brook THT FPA
Great post! No, I don’t think there would be the fuss about Belle/Brooke had she actually been a man. I didn’t even know so many believed her to be fake, or a man (is there a diff? Sorry). There seemed to have been a collective sigh of regret that she IS a smart, witty, funny and beautiful WOMAN! In terms of your basic question, women used to be chattle, so derisive terms seem consistent with where our societies have been. I like the Vagina Monologue concept that women are now taking those ugly words and claiming and using them as positive and powerful. LOVE your blog. BISH is always the one to read!
I was just discussing this with a friend on Saturday. I pointed out that two of the most offensive insults in the US are cunt and twat. Now, for the record, I don’t find these terms to be particularly offensive, though a bit vulgar… but I asked him to consider that these words, which induce cringing, rage, or both (in America, anyway) are derogatory terms for female genitalia, and also some of the most insulting words possible, brought out as the big guns in any argument. He was floored. He’d never thought of it that way. Words such as cock and dick are also used in a derogatory manner, but not with the same reaction.
Regarding Belle, I thinks it’s fantastic that she turned out to be an educated professional. That she is intelligent and educated is apparent to anyone reading her work. I’ve never understood the stigma regarding sex workers myself… being American, I’ve always put it down to our religious-reject roots. I mean, we were so fanatical that we were shipped off to another continent. A job is a job, whether you’re selling sex, music, art, etc. I’ve always felt that prostitution should be legal, for the protection of everyone involved. But, seeing as how oral sex was still illegal in my state until very recently, I don’t see it happening in my region any time soon.
Love this post. Don’t have much to add except that in kinky circles women have found a way to reclaim the terms ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ to mean very positive things about women who enjoy their sexuality on their own terms.
A word is just a word. It can mean many different things to different people and in different ages.
The words chosen in the examples above are already lopsided.
Try different sets:
HOMME:
Bell End
Cock
Dick
Dickhead
Gigolo
Jack The Lad
Sex Beast
Wanker
Whore
FEMME:
Amazon
Escort
Femme Fatale
Ho
Ladette
Pro
Sex Beast
Whore
It’s all about context and intent. If you wish to denigrate someone you can use any word.
Female anatomy terms being used in a derogatory way is a reflection of uptight, anti-sexual culture.
A double-standard against women is a reflection of male insecurity and female power.
Totally agree with Quiet Riot Girl too.
Please don’t take my ‘survey’ very seriously! I deliberately worded the question so that people would come up with stereotyped views about gender and sex. It was in order to make a point about who is allowed to have sex and who isn’t.
If I’d have asked ‘what term would you use to describe…’ it would have been very different.
ok well ladies should take care of their vagina men dont want tore up vaginas in the long run… when men have lots of sex they can just wash it off without changing anything women get looser and become unwanted in serious relations
Dude, you’re just wrong I’m afraid. What do you mean by “tore up” vaginas? Vaginas don’t get loose because of lots of sex.
…See my reply below…
I think it’s true that there are far more/ worse female derogatory terms in circulation, but it has to be remembered that if a woman (or man) is in the group of friends that call them that, it’s generally just a joke/ not serious. If they’re serious, they’re not friends! And if they’re not friends, the victim of such names shouldn’t care too much about what they think – if they are happy with their way of life, they shouldn’t have to stop in order to avoid horrible comments from people who don’t care about them…
To ‘man’, about ‘become unwanted in serious relations’ – I don’t believe this at all. And no offense, but what you posted is insulting in the way of objectifying women and saying men only want women for sex. Life isn’t a porn shop.
Hi Bish
I have just checked and I made that comment saying I loved this post back in July last year. My politics around gender and sexuality have shifted somewhat since then.
I still love a) The family fortunes/gender fortunes idea.
b) your attention to gendered language
c) Your picking up on how women who are sexually active often get called negative, gendered words such as sluts
However since then my knowledge of how masculinities and men’s sexualities are presented in language and culture has increased/changed.
Now I am very aware that men also get called names which really do demonise their sexuality, particularly round being either sexually active, predatory or voyeuristic (or homosexual)
eg words like ‘creep’ ‘perve’ ‘peedo’ ‘rapey’ suggest an aggressive, predatory sexuality and often without women’s consent
words like ‘manwhore’ ‘womaniser’ ‘homo’ ‘dirty dog’ suggest promiscuous men in a negative way. And some men get called ‘sluts’ too
and I think there are gendered connotations around the terms like ‘rapist’ and ‘abuser’ ‘harasser’ too indicating it is men who do these things, normally to women.
I am sorry if my shift makes me look hypocritical. If you read my blog which I know you do, you will see this shift mapped out, eg documenting how I no longer identify as feminist.
Thanks
Elly
QRG
Hi Elly
Thanks for your clarification.
I happen to agree with you but firstly I need to say that, like in Family Fortunes, the answers above were the most popular answers and when I do this game with young people their answers are pretty close to above. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t pejorative terms for men and sex, but it’s about basic, general societal and cultural messages about sex and gender.
However young people like to discuss this stuff in class, they wonder why they don’t hear negatives terms for men and sex as much, they also wonder if men really do get status for being a ‘stud’ or ‘man whore’. We discuss it in the context of hegemonic masculinities, do men have sex to prove themselves? What if men don’t want to have sex? They also discuss the changing contexts and meanings for pejorative terms for women (as you’ve discussed), can they be reclaimed? We also talk about our attitudes to sex generally and why people are judged because of whether they have sex and who they have sex with.
All very interesting stuff. The post above is intended as a starter to get people thinking and discussing.
I was annoyed that you said you didn’t agree with my post when you said that you liked it before, but thanks for explaining.
Justin
Bish