How to chat to someone (including, ugh, chat up lines), flirting, turning a friendship into a romance and dropping the ‘L’ Bomb…
I’m not a big fan of Valentine’s Day to be honest but if it can spur people on to make a move on someone they fancy, like or love then I think it’s s a good thing. If you want to tell someone how you feel and the only reason you aren’t telling them is that you are scared of what they might say, then the following tips might help.
So there is someone you don’t know or know a little bit and you really fancy them. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to go over to there and chat to them, ask them their name, flirt a bit, make them laugh and to find out that they fancy you? Loads of people do this all the time, why not you?
So firstly you need to work on yourself. Read my blogs about self-esteem, a big up yourself and feeling gooooooood. To chat to someone you don’t know but fancy you need to feel confident, in the zone, buzzing. So wear your best pants, make sure you are looking hot, smelling nice and don’t have any random food in your teeth.
Listen to this from the excellent Buzz website
It should open up in your computer’s music player. It’s a short podcast on how to get in the zone to chat to someone you fancy.
Just approaching someone cold can be really difficult so try and find a good opportunity to go over and chat, look over in their direction a bit and smile so that they know what you are thinking. They might smile back and adjust their body so that they have a more welcoming stance.
There aren’t any particular chat up lines that always work and most people think that people that use them (especially men) are a bit sleazy. Try being e a little cheeky, friendly and flirty. My dad asked my mum for a ciggie.
Say that you like something they are wearing, or give them a random but nice compliment (great earrings, nice belt, great shoelaces). Talk about something you have in common, or ask what music they are into. Sometimes being quirky and funny can help: try to say something interesting that no-one would have said before.
Establish flirty eye contact, but don’t stare at them wide eyed like a weird serial killer (remember to blink!). Also don’t stare at their body. People love being paid compliments and being chatted to, but they also love being listened to. So show that you are listening by use of body language (don’t fold your arms, or yawn, turn your back or look at your watch) and be attentive and contribute to the conversation.
As for confidence, the only way to get that is to practice and you have to accept that you are going to get rejected a few times at first. You’ll feel like a prat for about 10 seconds and then you’ll get over it. Keep trying and it will get easier and you’ll get better.
Friends can help to boost your confidence and encourage you and also make you look good in front of the person you are chatting to, this is known as being a wingman (or woman). Also, don’t let your gender get in the way of chatting to someone: lots of women don’t chat to people because they think that this is not what they should do – how sad!
You could also send someone an ecard, like this one from the Smartphone Download section
Lots of people get together with people that they were ‘friends’ with before. This can be nice because you already know each other and have lots of joint friends, it can also be a bit dull because you already know each other and have lots of joint friends.
So imagine that you have a friend and you realise that you want to be more than just friends (for example, the idea of them going out with someone else makes you sad). People worry about ‘losing the friendship’ if everything goes wrong or one person doesn’t fancy the other, I personally think that’s nonsense. Lots of people remain friends after a romance, it just depends on how good your friendship was in the first place.
How to do it? Well you could try the flirting tips from the first section but if you are good friends then they might not notice or they might think you weren’t being serious. You could try the age old method of getting a bit drunk and just getting off with each other but that often ends in tears because one person can think it was just a silly snog and the other can think it was true love.
I’m afraid the best way to deal with this is to tell them. Don’t make a big drama about it, just try something like “look I know we’re really good mates, but I think I fancy you and I’d like to snog you.” You could test the water by saying “I had this dream about you last night where we were snogging and it was great.”
If you are friends that already have sex but you want to be their boy/girl friend, stop having sex with them and then see what happens.
Hmmm tough one this!
Ideally you would tell your girl/boy friend that you love them at exactly the same time that they realised they love you and you both blurt it out simultaneously. However life isn’t really like that.
Most of the time one person falls in love with someone before the other person and sometimes people can fall in love with someone who doesn’t love them back.
As soon as you tell someone you love them, whether they say they love you back or not, it puts the relationship in a much more serious place. So make sure that you are in love (or be as sure as you can be)
Like I’ve said before (not my best piece to be honest) it’s not easy to define what love is but I’ll try and describe some of the thoughts and feelings that someone in love might have (feel free to add more!)
- you think about them all the time
- they are the first person you want to tell when you get news (good or bad)
- you feel like you can tell them anything
- you can see a shared future
- you think the same things
- you miss them when they aren’t around
- no-one else means the same to you
- you just really feel it, know what I mean?
I can think of some bad times to tell someone you love them
- On the first or even second date. (It usually takes people weeks, months or years to fall in love.)
- After sex (it doesn’t seem sincere when you say it after sex)
- When drunk or stoned or high (the other person might think it was the substance talking)
- In public (ever seen a public marriage proposal where the proposed to person doesn’t say yes? Brutal!)
- To try and make up after you have had an argument.
Make sure that they are in a good mood, relaxed and listening. You could try buttering them up with their favourite dinner or giving them a nice massage. Perhaps buy a nice little gift (flowers, chocolates, pint of ale, new shoelaces). And just say it. Three little words.
Try not to beg them to love you back and don’t make a big song and dance about it. You are strong enough to be honest about what you are feeling, if they feel the same great, if not, no sweat.
Outside this it’s really down to whether you think your b/g f feels the same way, or that you feel that if they don’t love you back that they at least like you very very much. One person declaring love doesn’t mean that the relationship is doomed, just be patient and try and carry on as before.
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