I really love you, you’re my best mate.
This is a guide to alcohol and sex. Lots of young people don’t like alcohol or any kind of drug at all. If that applies to you, good for you! Stick to your guns and don’t let anyone force you into drinking or taking anything you don’t want to.
However for many people drinking alcohol (or taking another kind of drug) is great! I’ve been drinking ale whilst writing this (though not too much). Having a bit to drink and then having sex is very very popular indeed.
People seem to like sex and alcohol because it lowers people’s inhibitions. Sex is a massive deal for most people and there can be a lot to worry about.
Some people feel more relaxed when they’ve drunk some alcohol. This means that they are less tense about talking about sex. Less anxious about starting to kiss someone. More relaxed about taking their clothes off. Less worried about whether they are going to be any good at it. Less concerned over what it means for them emotionally. Relaxed about the effect it is going to have on their relationship. Sometimes people feel that drink can give them more confidence or courage. Some people also feel really horny when they are a bit drunk.
It’s a fact that for many people having a bit of alcohol can lead to really great sex. It can lead to kind of breathtaking, passionate, fast and furious sex.
However it is also possible to lose your inhibitions without drinking too. Try working on how you feel about yourself and your body. Also practice communicating about sex. Lots of people prefer to keep drinking and sex separate, just because they enjoy them both more that way.
However sometimes sex and alcohol (or other kinds of drugs) aren’t a great combination.
1. It can make the sex less good
Many people find that alcohol leads to bad sex, even if it made them really up for it. This is a great example of irony: it can make your brain feel really up for sex, but it has the opposite effect on your body.
It can affect the ability for a penis to stay hard (known as brewer’s droop), it can affect the lubrication of the vagina (not known as brewer’s dryness). It can make it very difficult to reach orgasm for some men and women. It can make some people very tired. It can also make you feel dizzy and a bit sick. All that thrusting and bouncing and rolling around could make someone lose their lunch, or that last packet of crisps.
Drinking can also affect people’s co-ordination. Sex is quite technical. If you can’t co-ordinate your hands, genitals, tongue and lips properly then you aren’t going to be given very many 5* reviews.
Also it might mean that your condom skillz aren’t exactly 10 out of 10.
For more about the effect of booze on men and women go here and here.
2. It can make the sex less safe
I said before that alcohol (and other kinds of drugs) can affect your inhibitions. It can make people feel more relaxed about stuff. Well it can also make people feel more relaxed about having unsafe sex. I’m talking here about condoms.
People lose their inhibitions about using condoms. Or forget where they are. Or get carried away and have sex without them. Or try and put them on but, because they are a bit pissed, do it wrong. Or because they are losing their erections they think that the condom is to blame and take it off and continue without. Or because the vagina is getting dry the condom tears or they blame the condom and take it off.
This obviously makes the sex much less safe.
3. It can make the sex unwanted
Alcohol can affect people’s consciousness: how awake they are. Many many people are sexually assaulted or raped when they are less awake.
This could be because someone has taken advantage of someone not being able to say no or to fight them off. Some people use alcohol to get people drunk so that they can attack them, either through encouraging them to drink, spiking their drink with a stronger drink or with a ‘date rape’ drug such as GHB or Rohypnol which can make people very sleepy indeed. For more visit Rape Crisis here
It could also be that the other person was so pissed that they didn’t properly realise that the other was not saying yes. This does happen. Alcohol and other drugs can make people seriously confused and can affect people’s judgement about whether people are saying yes or not. The law now says that if someone was really really pissed then the court can rule that it was not possible for them to have wanted the sex.
Alcohol can also make some people seem really up for it one minute and then really go off the idea the next. Consent, or agreeing to sex has to be a continuous thing. If someone goes off the idea or if they fall asleep, they are no longer consenting and the other person has to stop or it’s rape or sexual assault.
4. You could end up shagging someone you don’t like
This is known in the trade as beer goggles. Where you end up having sex with someone you ordinarily wouldn’t dream of doing. People often treat this as a bit of a laugh, but it can have serious implications.
Perhaps someone did it with someone who wasn’t their partner, and they are usually monogamous. Or they did it with a friend, which has made the friendship tricky cos the other friend now has feelings. Or they did it with someone they shouldn’t have: for instance, their friend’s boy/girl friend.
And then, in the cold light of day, when sober you have to deal with other people’s hurt feelings, mend relationships or even mend your own feelings.
Key message here is: if you are going to drink and then have sex, don’t drink too much.
If you have drunk too much either don’t have sex, or do other stuff or be ultra careful.
Big up to my twitter peoples for giving their views on this @quietriot_girl especially.
Also big up to Scarleteen for this fab post on booze, drugs and sex
Check this funny video from The Site
If you would like to learn more about the effects of alcohol and drugs go here
© Bish Training 2010, all images and text.
