Brief Guide to Relationships

One day you find someone that you fancy,  like or even love.

Ahhhh (a bit of sick just came into the back of my throat)! If you’ve ever watched an episode of Friends then you will probably know that relationships don’t just survive on the initial chemistry (those hot feelings you get when you first meet someone), they require work.

Here are some tips which I’ve mostly got from watching Friends over the years, oh and reading some books and stuff.

By the way Peter and Jordan! I know this is too late for you now but good luck next time round yeah!

Lots of people worry about relationships. But hook ups, FWBs, seeing each other, dating, going out, boy/girlfriend, engaged, married are all relationships, just different types. You still need to respect and trust each other whether you are in love or in lust or whatever.

You’ve heard the expression, ‘treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen’? WRONG! Dating and relationships aren’t a battle, or a ‘game’. Be like a really good mate. Encourage rather than criticise or nag. Be generous with your time and resources. Support them. Please them. Work together as a team.

Pressuring or forcing your partner to go beyond their sexual limits is VERY BAD. As is pressuring or forcing someone into being a parent, or get married, or to say they love you. If someone is pressuring you into going beyond your limits then you maybe should think about whether it’s the right relationship at the right time: no matter how good the best times might feel.

Good arguing isn’t about winning and losing, it’s about communicating what’s wrong and what’s upsetting you and listening to what your partner is saying to you. Try not to nag or shout. Try spending 5 minutes listening to your partner, giving them enough time and space to clarify what it is that is annoying them, then summarise what they just said to prove you were listening. Then change around so the other gets their say. That way stuff gets sorted.

It’s important to keep doing nice things for each other and to celebrate the relationship. Go on dates with each other. Do something special for anniversaries. You don’t need loads of cash to do lovely romantic things. Long walks by the sea, in a woodland, spend an afternoon snogging in a park, make a picnic, watch a DVD, make mixtapes… (any other ideas? post them below in the comments!)

Make sure you still spend time with your mates doing your own thing, or you’ll drive each other nuts. It’s often a sign of a bad relationship if your partner isn’t happy about this. It’s important to stick to your own game plan about what you have planned for your future too. This is because a) relationships often end and b) it makes your relationship stronger if you grow as individuals too.

Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t be happy your partner doing; especially when it comes to what you say and do with other boys/girls.

Lots of people think that trust is the most important element of a good relationship. For some people this means 100% honesty but other people think other things are more important, like: can you trust that they aren’t going to hurt you? Can you trust that they would do the right thing about safer sex? Are you their main squeeze? Do you believe what they say? What do you think (comments below please!).

Often relationships have to end. I think that it’s good to be as good and nice as you can about a break-up. For more about this visit my post about heartbreak here If you are sure that the relationship has to end: be clear, be honest and avoid giving mixed messages: for instance, don’t say you want to be friends if you don’t. You had some good times right?

But if your partner was dangerous, nasty, controlling, deliberately made you feel like total shit or was generally awful: be as bad and as loud as you like and just get out.

Here’s an amazing blog from someone’s diary when they were 15 about an abusive controlling relationship and how it happens. Read it, it will blow you away (click here) and follow her current website here

© Bish Training (Justin Hancock), 2010

Brook THT FPA