The differences between porn sex and real life sex explained.
This is about porn. If you are a young un and never seen porn then please go away!
This piece is taken from Sex Explained: A Real and Relevant Guide to Sex, Relationships and You.
So lots of young people learn about sex and relationships from porn, for many young people it is a relatively safe way for them to learn about their sexuality (who they fancy, what kind of sex they might be interested in). The problem with this is that they can learn good and bad things. The legal age for watching porn is over 18, I think this is a probably good thing (though maybe it should be 16?). I think that you need to be old enough to understand some of the things going on.
Anyway I’ve written a blog below which should correct some misunderstandings you might have about porn if you’ve watched some and are confused. This is mainly about professionally made porn, though I think it also applies to amateur porn too (I think that amateur porn can recreate some of the norms and narratives of professionally made porn, so a lot of this is relevant).
Even though they are actually having sex in porn scenes, they are acting. It’s kind of like wrestling on the telly, it’s all made up even though it’s real. They are usually pretending to enjoy it, it’s edited together to look more fun, it lasts for ages, everything happens in the same order and they are putting on a show.
Porn sex is completely different from real sex.
More about this here
Some things are so common in porn that viewers can start to think that it’s ‘normal’. For example cumming (ejaculating) on someone is very popular in porn, but not everyone likes it really. Also anal sex is much more popular in porn than in real life.
In a lot of porn the actors look at the camera rather than each other. As most porn is made for straight men the woman looks into the camera so he can imagine he’s having sex with her. In porn made for women they usually don’t look at the camera, studies suggest that women watching find this a lot hotter.
Even in amateur porn (where it’s real couples having sex with each other and filming it), it’s usually the guy holding or directing the camera and the scenes end when the guy cums. Why does the sex always seem to end when the guy cums (when there is a guy of course)?
Some porn and sexy modelling (like Page 3 or Nuts) can be quite negative about women. Some people think that porn shows women as passive sex objects who have no power, with no brains and who’s only purpose is to have sex to please men. What do YOU think?
Some of the story lines of porn can be negative about women, such as Bangbus or other sites where women are ‘tricked’ into having sex. In reality these women are porn performers who are paid, but the story can be negative and unpleasant.
Also the language of porn can be negative about women and usually describes sex acts which are done to women rather than mutually pleasurable and consensual sex.
Don’t compare porn actor’s bodies with ordinary people. Few women have massive boobs and thin tummies. Porn actresses are often thin women who get boob jobs. Also porn actresses have little or no pubic hair and their vulvas don’t look like most women’s.
See the Bish video about this here
Dicks in porn have to be above average size (above 6 inches). The men also have to get hard (often relying on Viagra) and ejaculate on demand with a film crew standing around and the director shouting at them: even if they don’t fancy their co-star. They also often have to wax their back, arse and balls so that they aren’t hairy.
See the Bish video about this here
Condoms are not often used in porn (although they do use condoms in most gay porn). Porn actors have very regular check-ups for HIV and other STIs, (usually once a month). They are very aware of the risks they take and some studios insist on using condoms as well as getting check-ups.
Do you think they should use condoms in porn?
Plus check out this video from me
In real life people chat about what sex they like or dislike. They also talk about contraception, condoms, feelings, themselves, have a laugh and occasionally stop for a cup of tea. Porn chat is all about sex, it can be a bit degrading and negative.
Also there is a lot more moaning and groaning in porn than in real life, just like wrestling. Some of the noises and screaming might sound like it’s hurting, it’s meant to sound like they are enjoying it. Sex is not supposed to hurt. In real life some men and women like to make noise, sometimes not.
Pizza delivery guys really don’t get to have sex when they are delivering pizza. Same with gardeners and window cleaners. So I wouldn’t suggest that you apply for a job just cos you think you might get more sex.
Women don’t always dress up like this to have sex. They also don’t always wear make-up or comb their hair.
In porn group sex is very popular. But in the real world people usually only like having sex with one person at a time. It can be fun to watch because there is more going on, but it’s entertainment.They are getting paid to pretend to like it. The better they pretend the better they are at their jobs and the more they get paid.
Of course in the real world some people do like group sex, I’m just saying it’s maybe not as common as it is in the porn world.
In mainstream porn, women are expected to get it on with men AND women. But two men can only touch each other in gay porn. Why? Because most porn is made by straight men for straight men. However more women are getting into porn, so this may change and things might get better. Lots of women like watching gay porn specifically to watch two hot guys going at it.
Many people think that porn is harmful. Some former pornstars have left the industry and campaign against it saying that it exploits women and hurts people watching it.
But many people think that porn is good. Women get paid more than men. Porn can show men and women positively too and can help people to explore their sexuality. Check this link about women who are Pro-Porn Our Porn Our Selves
For more entertainment/education about porn try:
Porn: what is legal, what is right?
Sexting: Why making your own porn can be a really really bad idea.
External Ejaculation: Cos not everyone likes being cummed on
Stickman Porn Competition!
Could you help us research the area of young people, the internet and porn? If you can spare 5 minutes can you click here and do a questionnaire please?
Are you a parent, teacher, youth worker, sex educator? Why not buy this downloadable resource pack about working with young people around porn. Click below
all images and text © Justin Hancock, Bish Training, 2010
Talking to teens about porn, porn harms, is porn harmful, educational guide to porn, boys, lads, porn, sex
This is a fantastic and funny video from guidetogettingiton, WATCH IT!!
One of my favourite things on the web is this comic strip about one girl’s thoughts about porn
While you’re at’ Gurl’ check out all the other amazing stuff there.
Fellow sex blogger Julian has written this lovely piece about how he became friends with a pornstar at the age of 16 and what she taught him
Here is a great interview (not very loud though) with famous pornstar Nina Hartley. She promotes non-penetrative sex and talks about alcohol, feminism and stuff.
There’s no nudity in it
And here’s a video from clip from ‘Friends’: the one where Chandler and Joey get free porn.