Lots of people have strong opinions about sex work: whether it’s right or wrong is up to you, but I’d encourage you to think about the reality of life for men and women involved in having sex for cash whatever you think.
If you are a sex worker and want to find a support project for sex workers near you then go to this brilliant website, UK Network of Sex Work Projects, click on projects or on the map of the UK on the right. They can help you to stay safe, to deal with drug or alcohol use and to help you exit sex work.
I reckon that there are people in sex work who are fortunate and those that are less fortunate and some people who are in between.
For all sex workers there are other difficulties too.
It’s sometimes illegal to be a sex worker (or to earn money from a sex worker, in the UK)
It makes other relationships very difficult
It can make writing a future CV very difficult
It can be hard having a social life
It’s hard work (the ultimate customer service position)
Sometimes family aren’t that proud of their kids doing sex work
Now it makes me angry and sad that some people are treated very badly and become victims as a result of sex work. My anger and sadness is directed at people who
Force people to do this
Dodgy clients who don’t treat sex workers with respect
The laws which do not seek to protect sex workers in any way
The media that do not treat sex workers with the same dignity that they would treat non-sex workers
The problems of drugs and homelessness and the fact that we still have massive amounts of poverty.
People who are (or have been) sex workers who have chosen to blog their experiences, such as Belle de Jour, do not make me angry at all.
Here are some links you might be interested in.
Safety advice for sex workers from the UK Network of Sex Work Projects
If you’ve read my other posts about porn then you’ll know that although it can be fun and offer great career advice, it
Often is not positive about women
Usually shows people with young, ‘hot’ bodies
Says nothing at all about disability
Is a bit confused about who is allowed to have sex with someone (eg men can only have sex with men in ‘gay porn’)
Isn’t very good at promoting safer and more consensual sex.
Many porn producers say that this isn’t their job. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But there are loads of porn performers and companies that are trying to do something which is different to mainstream porn (featuring porn with trans and genderqueer stars, bi guys, real bodies, women not looking at the camera, as much focus on the guy’s head as much as his penis…). So think about this stuff for yourself and create some stick character porn!
I want you to create a porn scene which
Isn’t just hot for straight men
Promotes equality (eg women having their say, someone with a disability enjoying sex, bisexual guys, trans or gender queer folks)
Demonstrates one of the many ways of having safer sex (condoms or sexy non-entry sex)
Draw it on paper and take a picture on your phone. Or you can design it on a computer if you like.
Tweet me your entries! @bishtraining or Post one on my facebook wall facebook.com/bishuk
Woo Hoo! First Porn Challenge Entry!!!! This one challenges ageism in porn.
(If anyone knows how to recreate this as an actual quiz that I can embed please let me know bishinformation@gmail.com)
So we asked 100 people (I really did by the way)
“Name a word or phrase to describe a man who has had a lot of sexual partners.”
Ok and now for the next round.
Let’s play Gender Fortunes!
We asked 100 people
“Name a word or phrase used to describe a woman who has had lots of sexual partners.”
Not very nice is it? There are lots of negative things said about sex (look at your favourite swear words, what are they about?) even though most people would think that sex is a good thing.
But the point of this particular game is that men are given status and ratings for having lots of sex, but women are dissed and discarded. Why is that?
I’m allowing comments on this so please do share, but be nice to each other or I will get harsh on your asses.
Let’s blurt.
Check out @girlonthenet ‘s blog post about the use of the word ‘slut’: she got very annoyed when someone searched for her blog using the term “sorry sluts, your vagina doesn’t have a ‘clear history’ button”It’s a really great post, but it’s sweary and for an older audience. The other stuff on her site really isn’t for you younger ones.
(PS I originally put some stuff in this post about Belle de Jour coming out, which was happening at the time. This is why there are comments about this below. I took the Belle stuff out since as it wasn’t relevant to this particular post. Can’t remember what I said but I know it would have been positive)
So lots of young people learn about sex and relationships from porn, for many young people it is a relatively safe way for them to learn about their sexuality (who they fancy, what kind of sex they might be interested in). The problem with this is that they can learn good and bad things. The legal age for watching porn is over 18, I think this is a probably good thing (though maybe it should be 16?). I think that you need to be old enough to understand some of the things going on.
Anyway I’ve written a blog below which should correct some misunderstandings you might have about porn if you’ve watched some and are confused. This is mainly about professionally made porn, though I think it also applies to amateur porn too (I think that amateur porn can recreate some of the norms and narratives of professionally made porn, so a lot of this is relevant).
Even though they are actually having sex in porn scenes, they are acting. It’s kind of like wrestling on the telly, it’s all made up even though it’s real. They are usually pretending to enjoy it, it’s edited together to look more fun, it lasts for ages, everything happens in the same order and they are putting on a show.
Some things are so common in porn that viewers can start to think that it’s ‘normal’. For example cumming (ejaculating) on someone is very popular in porn, but not everyone likes it really. Also anal sex is much more popular in porn than in real life.
In a lot of porn the actors look at the camera rather than each other. As most porn is made for straight men the woman looks into the camera so he can imagine he’s having sex with her. In porn made for women they usually don’t look at the camera, studies suggest that women watching find this a lot hotter.
Even in amateur porn (where it’s real couples having sex with each other and filming it), it’s usually the guy holding or directing the camera and the scenes end when the guy cums. Why does the sex always seem to end when the guy cums (when there is a guy of course)?
Some porn and sexy modelling (like Page 3 or Nuts) can be quite negative about women. Some people think that porn shows women as passive sex objects who have no power, with no brains and who’s only purpose is to have sex to please men. What do YOU think?
Some of the story lines of porn can be negative about women, such as Bangbus or other sites where women are ‘tricked’ into having sex. In reality these women are porn performers who are paid, but the story can be negative and unpleasant.
Also the language of porn can be negative about women and usually describes sex acts which are done to women rather than mutually pleasurable and consensual sex.
Don’t compare porn actor’s bodies with ordinary people. Few women have massive boobs and thin tummies. Porn actresses are often thin women who get boob jobs. Also porn actresses have little or no pubic hair and their vulvas don’t look like most women’s.
Dicks in porn have to be above average size (above 6 inches). The men also have to get hard (often relying on Viagra) and ejaculate on demand with a film crew standing around and the director shouting at them: even if they don’t fancy their co-star. They also often have to wax their back, arse and balls so that they aren’t hairy.
Condoms are not often used in porn (although they do use condoms in most gay porn). Porn actors have very regular check-ups for HIV and other STIs, (usually once a month). They are very aware of the risks they take and some studios insist on using condoms as well as getting check-ups.
Do you think they should use condoms in porn?
In real life people chat about what sex they like or dislike. They also talk about contraception, condoms, feelings, themselves, have a laugh and occasionally stop for a cup of tea. Porn chat is all about sex, it can be a bit degrading and negative.
Also there is a lot more moaning and groaning in porn than in real life, just like wrestling. Some of the noises and screaming might sound like it’s hurting, it’s meant to sound like they are enjoying it. Sex is not supposed to hurt. In real life some men and women like to make noise, sometimes not.
Pizza delivery guys really don’t get to have sex when they are delivering pizza. Same with gardeners and window cleaners. So I wouldn’t suggest that you apply for a job just cos you think you might get more sex.
Women don’t always dress up like this to have sex. They also don’t always wear make-up or comb their hair.
In porn group sex is very popular. But in the real world people usually only like having sex with one person at a time. It can be fun to watch because there is more going on, but it’s entertainment.They are getting paid to pretend to like it. The better they pretend the better they are at their jobs and the more they get paid.
Of course in the real world some people do like group sex, I’m just saying it’s maybe not as common as it is in the porn world.
In mainstream porn, women are expected to get it on with men AND women. But two men can only touch each other in gay porn. Why? Because most porn is made by straight men for straight men. However more women are getting into porn, so this may change and things might get better. Lots of women like watching gay porn specifically to watch two hot guys going at it.
Many people think that porn is harmful. Some former pornstars have left the industry and campaign against it saying that it exploits women and hurts people watching it.
But many people think that porn is good. Women get paid more than men. Porn can show men and women positively too and can help people to explore their sexuality. Check this link about women who are Pro-Porn Our Porn Our Selves
Could you help us research the area of young people, the internet and porn? If you can spare 5 minutes can you click here and do a questionnaire please?
Are you a parent, teacher, youth worker, sex educator? Why not buy this downloadable resource pack about working with young people around porn. Click below
Here is a great interview (not very loud though) with famous pornstar Nina Hartley. She promotes non-penetrative sex and talks about alcohol, feminism and stuff.
There’s no nudity in it
And here’s a video from clip from ‘Friends’: the one where Chandler and Joey get free porn.
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I’m not so keen on their sex ed stuff but they do have other good stuff
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