Yes that’s right a blog teaching young people how to have sex. I know! What is the world coming to?
This is the most controversial blog, probably, because this is the thing we aren’t meant to teach young people. However I’m not encouraging you to have sex: if you are going to have sex (statistically likely) , I think that you should know how to do it properly. That is safely, without hurting each other and pleasurably.
Remember that if you are young, not in a relationship, not aware of how your body works or how to stay safe then please do other stuff instead or don’t do it at all. Also remember the legal age to have sex is 16.
First time sex can sometimes be a bit rubbish. It can be over really quickly, or can take ages and get a bit tiring, it can be a bit painful (if you aren’t relaxed, turned on or moist) and it can be a bit embarrassing. This is why sex in a trusting relationship is often better because you can communicate more easily about what you want, but also you know that the other person cares about whether you like it. It can feel lovely and can make you feel very close to the other person.
Young people often don’t have their own flats or have enough cash for a hotel room, so finding somewhere to do it can be tricky. However you should be inside, in a private space where you can close the door. It should just be the two of you and you know that no-one will interrupt. Sometimes parents or carers will allow their kids to do it in their house, or might ‘turn a blind eye’ if they go out for an evening, or they might not. Remember it can be difficult for parents to deal with this: what would you do?
If you aren’t really feeling it then don’t do it! Both people need to be turned on and relaxed for sex to feel good. If a woman is really turned on then her vagina will usually be quite moist; if it isn’t then the sex may feel painful, especially if the vaginal corona is tight. Getting turned on takes longer for girls than guys (usually), so stroking, nibbling, kissing, holding, is very important. For extra wetness use some water based lubricant: for anal sex or sex with toys, use loads of it. Water based lube is safe to use with condoms.
On average it takes a much shorter length of time for men to feel sexy and to have an orgasm, particularly from having penis-in-vagina sex. It’s not true of all people of course, some guys can take ages getting turned on and then having an orgasm and some women can get turned on and orgasm in no time at all.
Penetration is not as easy as it sounds. If you’re doing it for the first time then it’s a good idea to masturbate each other for a bit first. You could also insert a wet, clean finger inside your partner first. Do this slowly and carefully.
When your partner is more relaxed you can move your finger around and then insert another finger. This makes the opening big enough to insert a penis or toy. It helps for other person to guide their partner to the right place. Then put the hard penis (inside a condom) or toy inside, slowly at first, then gradually build up the speed and hardness.
Finding the right position depends on what you both like, how mobile you are and what kind of sex you want. There are no rules and no magic positions: just do what feels good.
Talking is very important in sex, as is listening. If your partner is doing something that you really don’t like, or something you haven’t agreed to, then STOP.
However if your partner is doing something that isn’t great but not bad, then you could encourage them to do what you do like by saying things like “you’re really good at …” or “when you do it this way it feels amazing.” Think about saying exactly what you want and what your limits are, before having sex.
Talk about what sex you want with your partner in advance, try this from Scarleteen.
Great sex doesn’t have to have to be involve orgasms. Remember that often women find it more difficult to orgasm from sex than men. It takes women longer than men to get turned on and also just penetration doesn’t do it for most women. Having an orgasm, from penetration, at the same time as your partner, is rare!
Masturbation can help you to understand what turns you on and can make sex better.
If you do all of this, with someone you like and trust, then sex can feel pretty amazing. How great sex feels is difficult to say but sometimes it feels nice, comforting, intimate. Sometimes it feels exciting, exhilarating, passionate, knee trembling. Sometimes both! If it feels bad, disgusting, scary-in-a-bad-way, unsafe, boring, just something you are doing because you think you ought to: then why are you doing it at all?
© Justin Hancock, Bish Training 2011
So that’s it. Possibly this will get me on the front page of the Daily Mail or something but there you go!
If you are over 15 you are allowed to watch this educational video about how to have sex from the people that brought you South Park.
